What makes some relationships more successful than others? Is it possible to improve your chances of everlasting love or are some relationships doomed from the start? The good news is that, yes, you can learn from happy couples and improve your own relationship by adopting some of their behavioural patterns. Read on to find out which factors distinguish happy couples from unhappy ones:
♡ DO OPPOSITES ATTRACT?
No : BASICS
Happy couples tend to have a similar education, nationality, age, etc.
But don’t worry if you and your boyfriend aren’t from the same country or don’t have a similar level of education. The reason why partners in a happy relationship tend to be alike in the above aspects is because those with the same nationality, age or education are more likely to share the same values and want the same things in life. As long as your values match, the other factors are less important.
YES + NO : PERSONALITY
Happy couples tend to have similar levels of these three personality factors:
- OPENNESS = how interested you are in new experiences, art, travel, unusual ideas
- CONSCIENTIOUSNESS = organized and efficient vs. spontaneous and careless
- AGREEABLENESS = how much you value social harmony and avoid conflict
It does not seem to matter whether partners have similar levels of:
- EXTROVERSION = whether you are generally more extroverted or introverted
- NEUROTICISM = low/high stress tolerance, emotional stability and impulse control
Sometimes partners with different scores of extroversion or neuroticism can complement each other well, e.g. a non-neurotic partner can help his neurotic partner to see things from a different, more relaxed perspective. Extroverts and introverts can balance out each other’s energy levels.
♡ BIG NO NOs
Psychologists can predict whether couples will stay together from observing how prevalent these four ‘toxic’ behaviours are in their everyday interactions:
- Criticism
- Contempt
- Stonewalling
- Defensiveness
♡ COUPLES DON’T FIGHT?
Wrong. But the ratio between positive and negative interactions is high.
5:1 is ideal
A total lack of fighting tends to be a sign of indifference or that one or both partners are censoring their opinions/feelings.
♡ COUPLES HAVE POSITIVE ILLUSIONS ABOUT EACH OTHER
People in a happy relationship view their partner’s actions from an optimistic perspective:
- Negative actions are attributed to SITUATIONAL FACTORS: “She’s late, the traffic must have been horrible.”
- Positive actions are attributed to THE PARTNER’S CHARACTER: “He cooked dinner for us, he is such an awesome boyfriend.”
♡ COUPLES ARE NOT AFRAID OF COMMITMENT
They are more likely to:
- make plans for the future
- have lots of rituals
- have a slightly merged identity (often start sentences with “We…)
- view their partner in the same category as their closest family members
Happy couples are also more likely to believe that their relationship will last a long time (or even forever) = BIG SELF-FULFILLING PROPHECY
If you are already in a relationship, you obviously cannot influence your own or your partner’s personality to make you more compatible. But: You do have the power to influence the other four factors; you can consciously make an effort to
- avoid the four toxic behaviours
- maximise positive interactions
- not shy away from commitment
- emphasize the good characteristics of your partner
Click on the links to read more about self-fulfilling prophecies, optimistic explanatory styles and how to prevent pointless arguments. What do you think makes some relationships more successful than others?
Awesome post!
Hey! unfortunately I couldn’t get you “how to prevent pointless arguments”-link to work? can you please check it to see if you can make it work. Thanks! And this is e great post BTW :D
not sure why the links stopped working, but they’re fine now. Thanks for the hint!
I love your psychology posts, I learn so much every time. And they make your blog so unique
Reblogged this on La Dolce Vita.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 years and are total soulmates, to be what makes a relationship stand the test of time is being the best of friends as well as fancying each other to bits!
I love this post!
I think it all depends on their personality, whether the want to commit or not, whether they are loyal or not, and so on.
Keep it up!
Good tips you have here. I’ve been with my husband for ten years and married for one and I can say that besides us having great chemistry we also are each other’s best friend. I think the best way to know if a person is right for you is the way you are when your with them..if you feel totally confortable in your own skin and genuinely happy to be in his company he is probably the right guy for you! :)
i completely agree with this comment. i wrote about it in one of my posts on my blog… http://crossroadsoftheheart.com/2012/02/17/attraction/
you seem very happy in your relationship :)
Great points! Though I suspect there are always exceptions to rules, sliding scales perhaps.
Just see each other half way people, just see each other half way. And not for nothing the distinction between good relationships and bad ones are going to be a slippery slope one day. I mean alot of people are attracted to the wrong kind of things these days and those kind of people having kids and raising them to be no better then they were says where we are going relationships wise.
“R.I.P good relationship” 1920′s – 2000
http://wp.me/2aAA8
Reblogged this on Dr. Empress Jodi and commented:
I hardly ever talk abt [my] relationships etc publicly but this I felt is a pretty good read. :)
Reblogged this on Rosé belle and commented:
Very Interesting and insightful view on relationships.
Such a great post! It is true, you don´t need to have similar backgrounds to be happy. I´m from Madagascar and my husband from Sweden. Totally different cultures and also different generation, but we do share the same values, see life the same way and have a lot of common interests. I agree too when you say that happy couples have lots of rituals… we do. It keeps the fire alive.
My husband and I never fight. We don’t like it, yet I always read that you need to fight in a relationship to be happy. I grew up in a very acrimonious house, with constant shouting and discord, and I hated it. I vowed I could not live like that, and so, while I definitely do not avoid conflict, I never fight.
Have I been mis-interpreting what Psychology means by “fight”?
Thanks for the interesting read. Cheers!
deliciously lovely, we give thanks for this reminder of love
very interesting :) xxx
Great post! :)
in the process of a “i’m not sure whether is it a breakup or not”, it’s been 3 and a half years ever since we got together. just wanna be happy back together again, swarmed with those happy smiles and memories
What a great post. So interesting!
Interesting. We are a happy couple we have been married for 24 years and we are each others best friend.
Cynthia